What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
