Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
