I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Randomize
