youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
