just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
