when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
