My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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