living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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