im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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