I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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