but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
