Plan B is the new Plan A
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
