Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
