My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
