Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
