Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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