We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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