I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Bring me that man meat
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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