He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
