worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
