How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
