I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
