i barfeds in our rink
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
