Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
