Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
