woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We don't watch enough power rangers
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
