I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
