i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You are the jesus of drinking
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
