I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
