were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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