Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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