ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
