Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
