He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
