Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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