My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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