their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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