It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
