hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
