I'm gonna have a badass scar
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
