Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
