How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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