We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
