I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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