I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
