I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
