when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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