he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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