you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
