Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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